The Adventures of HUMILIATION Part One
by Traciana Mahogany
Summary: Takes place a generation before Harry attends school. New, mischevious characters added in for some fun. Please read and review.


*Author's note. Lucius, Dumbledore, and anything to do with actual Harry Potter books belongs to J.K. Rowling. All the other characters, and H.U.M.I.L.I.A.T.I.O.N (which includes the pranks of the aforementioned) belong to me and a small group of real people.  
  
The Adventures of H.U.M.I.L.I.A.T.I.O.N.  
(Hilarious Uproar Made by Illegal Lights In Action Tethered In Our  
Neuroticness)  
  
Adventure #1: Espionage in the Ceiling  
  
"Ow! What in bloody hell was that for?!"  
"Oops.sorry. Didn't know that was your head."  
"Remind me of that next time you want to borrow my Divination homework." Trixy glared in silence at a sheet of red hair before it disappeared up and into the darkness. Kari, her best friend and partner in crime, despite being the Seeker for Gryffindor, could be about as graceful as an orangutan. By now, one would have thought that Trixy would have learned; dark cramped places plus one clumsy Seeker was never a good idea. She still had bruises from their last mission.  
"What?" Kari poked her head down out of the hole in the ceiling. They had removed one of the tiles and were attempting to hoist themselves up in the space above it. Kari, being a few inches shorter than her, had "volunteered" to climb up on Trixy's head and pull herself up.  
"Never mind." Trixy replied sweetly. "Help me up." Kari, almost invisible against the darkness behind her, pulled out her wand. She whispered a charm to herself, directing it at Trixy. "Wait.what are you.?" But it was too late. In moments she was floating upward through the air, trying frantically to grab something to hang on to. She began to spin slowly as she reached the ceiling, which, considering how high the ceilings were, seemed like miles away. "Kari, when we're done with this, I am so going to get revenge." By this time she was fully in the ceiling, her golden curls disheveled and her face flushed.  
"Honestly, Trixy, I haven't the faintest idea as to what you're talking about. Now.can we please get a move on? The ghosts are going to start patrolling the halls soon and we don't want to get caught."  
Trixy rolled her eyes, but began to follow suit as Kari started to crawl. The plan had been laid out weeks ago, and was much more complicated than their usual pranks. This one was absolutely inspired, and even helped start the name of the organization. H.U.M.I.L.I.A.T.I.O.N., the sweetest revenge on the planet. It was simple, you cross the paths of anyone undeserving and you get stung by H.U.M.I.L.I.A.T.I.O.N. This case was a special one. Lucius, evil little wretch that he was capable of being, had crossed the line when he attempted to throw a blueberry at Sirius, Kari's boyfriend. Sirius had been furious, but Kari had wanted personal revenge. Thus she has sought Trixy and the most brilliant beyond brilliant plan had been conceived.  
They were to wait until after lights out, but not too long in case they get caught by the ghosts that constantly patrolled the hallways at night. Then, they were to sneak into the Potions dungeon and remove a tile from the ceiling for easy access to that floor of the school. They would make their way through the ceiling until they stumbled upon the Slytherin boy's dormitory (using a handy map that had been supplied by Sirius). There would be Lucius, who was bound to be doing something rather embarrassing or at least a little disgusting. They would capture whatever it was he was doing on a little watch-like magick device, and in the morning they would transfer it to a larger screen. If Lucius turned out to be completely boring and not do anything at all worth capturing, they would content themselves with stealing a few pairs of underwear and hanging them in the Transfiguration room. Perhaps they would be lucky and get a chance to do both.  
"Trixy, I think I found him. Oh, Trixy, come here. You have absolutely got to see this.oh, this is too funny." Kari was sitting near, or rather half-hanging out of, the edge of the ceiling where she had removed a tile. The invisibility cloak was thrown haphazardly around her shoulders and she was kicking her feet in delight.  
"What? What's he doing? Digging for bogies?" Trixy shimmied over to where Kari was, and slowly pulled herself over the edge of the tile. She couldn't see anything at first, just a wall with some Quidditch posters on it. But then she saw it, the funniest and most embarrassing thing for anyone in the entire world to be doing. Lucius was posing, that's correct, posing in front of a full-length mirror with a strange little smirk on his face. And that wasn't even the half of it. He was wearing.well, quite frankly he wasn't wearing much. Just some girly panties.  
"Oh my god! Trixy, do you see this?? He's wearing a thong!!!" Kari nearly fell over from laughing so hard, and when Trixy looked closer, she doubled over as well. It was true. Lucius was wearing a bright orange thong.  
"Kari, quick, start the recorder." Kari nodded, and both girls, hands over their mouths to try and keep silent, lowered themselves slowly towards the floor, stopping before actually reaching the ground. Trixy was squirming, she was trying not to laugh so hard, which of course led to Kari hissing at her to be quiet-through giggles-which of course made Trixy start laughing harder. The Recorder was whirring away, which meant that they probably had more than enough footage, and could have made their escape. Had they not been so busy laughing, that is. And they probably would have taken time to consider the fact that Lucius, who wasn't always smart but not entirely dumb, would have noticed after a while that there were two girls hanging upside down from the ceiling like bats and staring wide-eyed and bright-faced at him. Which of course he did.  
"Hey, what are you doing in here? You're not supposed to be in here. I'm going to get.." Lucius had been slightly smug when he spoke until he realised the full potential of the situation that he was in. He panicked first, blue eyes going wide, and frantically searched for something to cover his too pale body. Then, as the wheels in his head slowly started to turn, he was angry. Trixy and Kari took this as their cue to escape and quickly tried to pull themselves back through the ceiling. Kari was up and over quickly, but she was also a bit stronger than Trixy, who was attempting, in vain, to grab onto something. This, combined with the fit of giggles, spelled out inevitable doom. She fell, laughing, onto the floor, and lay there for a while, a bit disorientated. It wasn't until Lucius was standing over that she remembered what she was supposed to be doing.  
"Lucius, hallo, how are you doing on this fine evening?" She stood quickly, glancing up at the hole in the ceiling was supposed to be. Looks like I'm on my own, she thought.  
"Don't 'hallo' me, Traciana Mahogany. I am going to go straight to Dumbledore about this!" In about three seconds, Lucius' face was able to turn three shades of very angry red.  
"Why, Lucius, I haven't the faintest idea as to what you're talking about. Now, if you excuse me, I really must be going" She backed up slowly, preparing to run, when he took her by the arm. She did the only thing that she could possibly think of, which was to pull out her wand. With the charm she cast, everything in the room, including the other sleeping boys, lifted into the air and began to spin. Lucius turned around, completely startled, and Trixy made her escape.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The next morning, when Trixy woke up, she was greeted by laughter. Lots of laughter. She got dressed quickly and practically ran down the steps and out of the Common Room. She met Kari, who was lingering just behind the crowd with Sirius and Ron, her boyfriend. She gave Ron a quick kiss, and asked Kari for a status report.  
"Well", she said smirking, I put the footage we got onto the projector, which is now running in the Great Hall. I figured that we would give our fellow peers something to watch during breakfast.  
"Perfect. I can't believe we actually pulled this off. The only thing left to due is to get through the rest of the day without bumping into Dru or Lucius." It was almost as if she had jinxed herself, because who came walking down the corridor but Dru, their best friend from Slytherin. She also happened to be dating Lucius.  
"Morning Dru." Kari said pleasantly. "Oh, what seems to be bothering you? You look upset." She didn't say anything, and Trixy wasn't sure whether this was a good sign or a bad one. Apparently it was a bad one; she just kept glaring at them. No words, just an evil death stare. She glared while walking away. Threw it right over her shoulder as though it were a cherry bomb. She also bumped into the doorway, which sent Kari giggling, which made her glare more. She carried it with her right into the Great Hall. "I'm never going to be able to get the image of Lucius in an orange thong out of my head." She said through her giggles. "Let's go ge..." Her sentence trailed off and she peered above my shoulder.  
"What? What is it?" Trixy turned around and met with the face of Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of the school. "Oops." She said quietly.  
"Come along girls, and just the girls, you two are free to go." He said sternly. Trixy unhooked Ron's arms from my waist and followed Kari to Dumbledore's office. The room was large and musty, and sort of felt like a storing place for junk. They sat in the chairs opposite Dumbledore, who was wearing the same look he had been downstairs.  
"Now girls," he began, "I understand you want to have fun, but what you did last night not only broke ten school rules, but it also hurt someone. It is not business of ours what sort of..." It was right about here that he started to lose his cool. Trixy and Kari could tell he was doing his best not to laugh. "..undergarments a person might wear..*cough* excuse me..It is no..*chuckle chuckle*..."  
"Professor," Trixy said quietly "Might we go now? We haven't had breakfast yet and we're very hungry."  
"Yes, go along girls...just don't do it again." By then he was outright laughing, which they took to mean that it didn't bother him in any way. So on their way back to the Great Hall, they began to plot our next course of action, hoping somehow to get Dru involved.  
"You know, Kari, we haven't gotten the teachers in a while."  
"Very right, Trixy. That will have to be our next adventure. But for now, let's get some breakfast. I'm absolutely famished after last night. Hey, who knows, maybe our inspiration will strike there."  
We made our way back to the Great Hall, by now the laughter had died down to a gentle roar, and Lucius was in a corner sulking while Dru tried to cheer him up. You could hear him muttering, "It wasn't my fault.Daddy gave it to me for Christmas."  
And then, out of nowhere, someone shouted, "What did he say?!"  
And someone across the room answered, "He said his daddy gave it to him for Christmas!" And that little comment, of course, started the laughter up again.  
Ron and Sirius had already eaten their breakfast, and were doing their best to make the most out of the distractions the movie caused. Sirius ran up to the table, and grabbed Professor Squall's (the Divination teacher and the hottest guy on campus) wand. He tossed it at Ron, who did a very close imitation of the Professor. Then an idea struck. The girls looked at each other, both wearing an evil smile. The Perfect Prank had been born.  
  
Until the next adventure. 


End file.
